It's okay.

So as I'm sure anyone who's able to read has noticed, I went through a bit of an emotional rift with someone so close to me I call her family. I was scared that I was going to lose a friend. A very close friend.

And in God's will, I found out the guy I was going out with for about a month actually has a girlfriend.

Result: Tergolek sorang-sorang.

Muhasabah diri: I did all I can to fix things with my bestie. She was after all the closest thing to family I have here. And we were close ever since we agreed that Zac Efron is THE hottest male specimen on the planet. I love her to bits and I dare say she loves me too! (yay!)
But as it is, I believe that it takes both parties to make it work for any relationship to work.
And I prayed to God that we would both get over this. We both had our faults and we needed time as well as space to figure things out. And I know if this was good for me, God will help me through it. And that He did. I suppose we both had a sudden realization of how important it is to fix things at around the same moment, and so I made my way to the bus stop with the intention to go to her place and talk this out (cheeeeh, macam break up dengan boyfriend, pulak! haha). And then, I got a txt from her saying she's on the way to my place, asking me if I'm okay with it. OPPPPKOOSSSSSS I'm okay with it. Saves my 1.15Euros of bus fare to her place! lol. But seriously, that was so coincidental. And we talked it out and now we're happily back together (haha, serious macam boypren,lol).

As for the guy, we talked it out. And yes, I admit I was sad, only because I thought if I take a step back and wait for the male species to initiate and take the lead, things will be different. And this time I'd take things on the down low, and take it real slow. But as weeks passed, we've grown closer and I didn't think I look at him as a friend nor does he of me. So we talked to pick each other's brains. And at that moment, I was happy. It was perfect..for that brief 2 seconds. But I knew sometimes when things are too good to be true, they usually are (refer to previous posts,lol), and I guess I anticipated for him to screw up. And that he did. But I know if he wasn't good for me, God would do everything in His power to seperate us.

Needless to say, I found out he's going to London this christmas to continue his studies there. And his girlfriend isn't hot (lol, okay that's just evil but...it is what it is..bahhh). So YAY! And if he could go behind his girl like that and approached me like he's single, if (God forbids) we were to end up together, he could do that to me as well. I mean, think about it. Do I really want to be with someone like that? Hell noooo. So yeah, this is defo for the best.

I know life can be hard sometimes and it feels like it could be the end of the world while you're going through it.

But just know that no matter what happens, God is always looking out for you. And whatever that's happened in your life is always the best for you in the long run. You just haven't realize it yet. So...Accept, evaluate and move on.

Trust me, by the end of it, you'll smile again.

<3

Please don't make it harder than it already is.

Let me go.

Goodbye.

Just when you think it's working out...

... Things take a 360 degrees turn and then Poof! it became KoKo Krunch.

I'm sorry I'm letting go. Actually, I'm not sorry. You came to me, you approached me and all this while you had a girl waiting for you back home? Big mistake mate. How'd u think I would react when I found out? Throw a kenduri kesyukuran with a big phat smile on my face and say its allright?

I like you. But you came with too much emotional baggage, and it's something I can live without.

"I have a girlfriend but emotionally, I'm attached to you".

Perhaps, you overestimated my tolerance towards bullshits.

Every action has consequences. And in your case, natijahnya ialah, I'm walking away, and never looking back.

I don't care how fucking rich you are, how hot you look in your skinny jeans, how much you can make me smile, or how much fun we had.

You are like early stages of breast cancer. A whole boob could be in expense if the early tumor formed isn't incised.

And I don't wana lose a boob.

Effortless.

I LOVE THIS DRESS. Serena wore it for her mom's and Rufus' wedding. GORGE!

So I was thinking what to wear tonight. I should start by running the treadmill at the gym. Maybe an LBD made casual with flat booties and a leather jacket <3

I can't wait.

x

I tell you everything but this time, I can't. This time, I don't know how to. With that, just leave me be to crawl up to a corner and lick my own wounds. They are mine to tend. I would tend to yours, and you know it. Don't bother now when the damage has been done many times before.

If I were you, I cover sikit kot sebab nak menjaga hati. Tapi takkan I nak bagitau you macam tue. Takkan I nak suruh you. Takkan I nak cakap. Memang by far I'm probably the most honest person you know. But I can't, not about this.

Because if I were in your shoes, I'd do it for you.

I would, without a second thought, without you having to say it.

But you didn't even try.

But you settled for the fact that I have to deal with it myself.

And you left it at that.

I'd do anything for you. And I have proven myself many times how I prioritize on you. Just this once, I need you to realize this on your own without me having to spell it out to you. But since you still can't figure it out..

..Just leave me be for now. To tend to myself.

I'm not throwing us away. I'm just hurt. More than I thought I was. And so, let's not strain and drain. Meanwhile, you have you're close housemate to go to. So its not like you'd be lost with me taking a few steps back for now.

Inadequate.

Have you ever felt you were not enough.
No matter how hard you try.
How much you care.
You were simply, not enough.

When you look in the mirror and think you like what you see,
And step out of your door,
And people don't see what you see.
Because, you were not enough...to them.

And you spend hours on your looks,
And treat others the way you want to be treated,
But it wasn't enough.

You can't help who you are,
You can't help what's happened,
But no matter how much you try to fix things,
It wasn't enough.

Circumstances stole everything,
Your confidence, your ability to put up a staright face and smile,
And your importance,
Now, you're just another face in the crowd,
'Cause now, you're just not enough.

No matter what you wear, how much make up you pun on this face,
No matter how much you smile and crack jokes,
You're no longer it,
You're no longer enough.

....Now change all "you"s to "I"s and that's who I am right now.

Horoscope

I have my daily horoscope sent to my gmail inbox everyday. I do read them just for kicks to see how accurate the predictions are, and sometimes they deviate so much from what really happened to me, its kinda funny. But today's horoscope scared me, 'cause as far as I'm concerned, this is exactly how I feel.

Sunday, Nov 15th, 2009 -- Your current stress stems from the challenge of balancing your fun-loving and playful nature with the serious side of life. You might experience this struggle through your desire for an intimate relationship or, perhaps, your fear of one. Alternatively, your parenting skills may be tested as family dynamics change, demanding your growth. In any case, your best strategy is to acknowledge the truth, take the high road and be willing to explore new emotional territory.

Spot on.

*sigh*

I hate facing reality.